I’m so proud and grateful to be a mum. Thank you to my wonderful husband for holding my hand as we walk down this road together. Thank you to both of my parents for keeping me from straying too much from the path but more than anything, thank you to my mum who has shown me the world and helped me to appreciate my little role in it.

But now we have a new challenge. Weaning.

I told myself that I would keep breastfeeding for as long as I wanted and no one could sway me with an opinion, but now I’m up against something I didn’t expect – my own guilt. I thought, if I could breast feed this time I wouldn’t feel guilty like I did the first time around when I felt like a big fate failure for not successfully breast feeding my son and only pumping for four months. Now, two months in I feel like the same failure whenever I can’t give her as much as she needs.

I have a friend who has pumped exclusively for 6 months and is now pumping around 45oz a day. Do you know how long that takes? That is such dedication and yet she still feels guilty for not being successful at the boob!

Why do we have this inbred sense of guilt? And how do we get rid of it?

I knew there would be singing and a lot of clapping and I can’t pretend that marching in a circle while chochooing like a train was all that surprising but doing it alone caught me off guards. My son was too cool for all of this you see. Yes, my 18 month old, the “me” in “mummy and me” shook his hands and said no about three minutes into the class as his mother, who put make-up on for this venture I might add, was driving an imaginary bus with a hula hoop for a wheel.

He looked at me with that adorable “you’re an idiot mum” face and ran off in search of higher pursuits, namely the mini trampoline in the corner. I did my mummy duty over and over pulling him back to the circle as the other kids sang and waved ribbons but he found the scooters that were hidden and raced around the perimeter of the room yelling BEEP BEEP instead.

Nevertheless, my little rabble rouser seemed to have a good time being the wolf in this sheep’s pen and when it was time to leave, he pushed his rented scooter to the door and yelled Bye! in his friendliest voice with his cute little outstretched arm wave, although the tone sounded more like Peace Out Homies! with two fingers held high.
Too bad his swagger melted into a heap of kicking toddler on the floor when he learned he couldn’t keep the scooter.

Unbelievable! He’s 18 months old. He can throw a tantrum like a 2 year-old and cling to his momma in the doctor’s office like a 2 month-old.

For those times when he wants to be a 2 year-old I am flummoxed on how to discipline him. We have a nice fancy oven, with a warming oven where the tray is (the one wear people house their baking and roasting trays, below the oven). He likes to stand on the handle of that warming oven and hold on to the handle of the regular oven. Obviously this is crazy dangerous cos of when the oven is on, but it’s also dangerous because if he doesn’t balance quite right the oven opens and he ends up flat on his back, bumping his 90th percentile sized head on the tile. So, he touches the oven and I say “no” or “don’t do that” or “Little Man” in my scary, threatening, domineering voice. And he smiles at me, as if to say, “Whatcha gonna do about it?” And the answer is… I have no idea.

Have you ever seen that Robin Williams skit about the police in England not carrying guns? He makes fun of them, imagining how they apprehend robbers: “Stop or… I’ll say stop again.” That’s how I feel. We decided to start making him stand in the corner and count to ten. So now, he goes to the oven, waits for me to look, smiles, climbs up the handle, then gets down and walks to the corner and starts counting. He thinks its fun.

I had a great book at one point that covered subjects like this, but I lost it in the move (maybe little man has hidden it.)

Anyone have any tips for me? Don’t bother with anything that makes him sit still, cos that won’t make sense to him.

If you make it to week three (see my week one and week two posts), you’ll probably be able to start adding in some additional help, like a bottle feeding here and there. I also feel like I might keep this up for longer than I would’ve expected during week one, so that’s good for everyone. 

1. It doesn’t hurt at all anymore.

2. I find that we both have to focus on the feeding or she won’t fill up and I have to feed her again in an hour or so. This is hard when you’re working and you have a 17-month old trying to pull you around the house. At night especially, I tend to fall asleep for a couple minutes and wake up not knowing how long its been. She also falls asleep sometimes so I have to tickle her, or change he diaper to wake her up.

3. Bribing my son is the only way to let number 2 happen (haha, that sounds funny!) I put on Yo Gabba Gabba, give him some milk and a cookie and I’ve got about ten minutes before he drops the cookie and wants another one. This is enough time for one breast!

4. We use bottles at night. That way I know how much she gets, I can tank her, and my husband can pitch in too. I still have to pump mid night, but this gives us enough milk to get through the next night.

• The pediatrician told me that I’ve been keeping her on for too long. She said to get her latched on, let her have eight to ten minutes on each breast and that’s it. Doesn’t always work – sometimes I have to supplement with an ounce or two of pumped milk from a bottle – but most of the time it does work. Every 2-3 hours, 10 minutes per booby.
• You have to be selfish. My husband and my mum are both here and both want to hold and feed the baby a bottle. My mum will tell me how much easier my life could be if I bottle feed sometimes, and I have to learn to smile and nod and then do what I think is best for me and Baby Dos. People come over to visit and I have to let them wait as I breast feed in the bedroom.
• The head moving thing does go away. Baby Dos moves her head like a frantic rooting mole, but the more we do it, the less she does that.
• The more you do it, the less painful it is.
• The more you do it, the faster it moves (she latches on faster, she sleeps on the boob less and everything).
• Relaxing. It’s where it’s at. I tried to feed her the other day as my husband played with Little Man in the pool, drinking a beer and the baby wasn’t waking up. I was so frustrated and jealous. I put the baby down in her crib and walked away. I got a snack and sat down alone. Ten minutes later she was awake and we were successful.

I’ll love you forever

I’ll like you for always

As long as I’m living

My babies you’ll be.

Find Out What We’re Made Of
When We Are Called To Help Our Friends In Need

You Can Count On Me Like 1 2 3
I’ll Be There
And I Know When I Need It I Can Count On You Like 4 3 2
And You’ll Be There
Cause That’s What Friends Are Supposed To Do, Oh Yeah

If You Toss And You Turn And You Just Can’t Fall Asleep
I’ll Sing A Song
Beside You
And If You Ever Forget How Much You Really Mean To Me
Everyday I Will
Remind You

Ohh
Find Out What We’re Made Of
When We Are Called To Help Our Friends In Need

You Can Count On Me Like 1 2 3
I’ll Be There
And I Know When I Need It I Can Count On You Like 4 3 2
You’ll Be There
Cause That’s What Friends Are Supposed To Do, Oh Yeah

You’ll Always Have My Shoulder When You Cry
I’ll Never Let Go
Never Say Goodbye

You Can Count On Me Like 1 2 3
I’ll Be There
And I Know When I Need It I Can Count On You Like 4 3 2
You’ll Be There
Cause That’s What Friends Are Supposed To Do, Oh Yeah

Wooooh, Wooooh
You Can Count On Me Cos’ I Can Count On You

After the c-section I asked if we could have Baby Dos brought into recovery to try as soon as possible. She didn’t come in, but I only stayed in there for one hour so we tried quite quickly and it worked almost immediately. She latched on and the first couple sessions were good, even though there was no milk, only collostrum so they lasted just a few minutes.

Then the initial bilirubin test results came back. Baby Dos was Coombs Positive and had a blood incompatibility with me. She was whisked away from us and put under the lamps for three hours at a time. We only saw her for an hour for feeding and were recommended (sternly) to supplement with formula so she would poop out all the bad stuff. After the first 36 hours, our time was brought down to half an hour as her levels shot up.

Luckily she recovered enough to come home, but the breastfeeding was already tougher. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

• Every time I give her a bottle it makes it harder to get her to latch on for the next feeding. She will eventually, so I’m not believing that nipple confusion ruins breastfeeding (neither did the hospital lactation consultants), but I will admit that it makes it tougher.
• According to everybody I know that has breastfed successfully, your nipples are crazy sore for the first few weeks regardless of how perfect your latch is.
• You have to relax. That’s the only reason I can see why it’s working this time and didn’t last time. It won’t be perfect every time, but beating yourself up, getting frustrated and annoyed will screw it all up.
• Along with the latch, the perfect hold, the position (you’re supposed to sit back) and everything else you hear, the lactation consultants recommended a glass of wine. It helps you to relax.
• When she/ he first latches, take a deep breath and relax your shoulders. It hurts and the breath will help.