The day before my official and final due date (the date was a point of contention), I begged my OB to induce me. She said it might not be a good idea, that it would be a long labor (I wasn’t dilated, effaced or even sweating) and could end up in a c-section. I said something to the effect of “If you don’t get this globe out of my stomach and off my pelvis, i will kick you in the shins until you fall down and then I’ll sit on you.” It may have been heard more like, “PLEASE.”
So, on the evening of Tuesday 19th October at 7:45, we checked in at the hospital. We went up to the room and the night nurse put in the IV (very messily), gowned me and told me no more fluids at 8. She gave me the first vaginal suppository (didn’t hurt) to start things going. The IV was to hydrate me so that braxton hicks contractions would stop and real contractions could be monitored. She checked my cervix – complete, no effacement or dilation and the baby was still high. She put electrodes on my tummy and I was attached to three different things, machines and IVs etc and suddenly I realized that I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed and I had the most amazing urge to go to the bathroom. Number 2!! I panicked – I couldn’t figure out if I really needed to or if I just thought I did because I knew I couldn’t! After about an hour of worrying about it, I asked and she unhooked 2 of the machines, handed me the IV bag and let me go to the bathroom. Turns out I didn’t have to go!
We watched Dancing with the Stars and Parenthood and even with all of this boring TV, they still had to give me Ambien to help me sleep. So they gave me 2 Ambien (10mg) around 9:45 and put in the catheter (I had to use a bedpan first – you kind of sit on it in bed, very strange). About 15 minutes later I felt nauseous and then fell asleep for three hours.
Maylin came back and checked me – beginning efacement. She gave me the second suppository. Contractions were about a 20 on the monitor – uncomfortable but nothing major. I didn’t sleep after that, they checked me every hour and the contractions kept me awake.
Around 4a.m. Irene took over as my nurse. She checked and the effacement was continuing but still no dilation. The contractions were getting stronger, but the baby wasn’t reacting to them so they put me on oxygen to try stimulating him.
I had brought magazines, movies and music with me but as the contractions got worse I couldn’t stand any of them. I didn’t give a crap about my birthing plan (dimming lights, my own music etc) although I would recommend it as each birth is completely different. What I was really grateful for were the quilt and the boppy pillow I brought from home. I also wore a sleeping bra under my nightgown. They only let me keep it on because it had no metal and they warned me it may get cut off but my boobs are too big to be free while I’m hot and then cold and then hot and frustrated. I was surprised that I wasn’t bothered by my hair being down (usually that would make me hotter).
So then the OB came in at around 7:30 am and broke my water, which was a shock cos I didn’t realize she was going to. Didn’t hurt any more than a regular vaginal exam. All of a sudden I felt like I wet myself and also I felt some relief of pressure. There was marconium and the doctor said, “Shit” and I said, “Literally!”
So, the baby still wasn’t reacting to the contractions and the doctor said he had to start reacting before they could give me pitocin or an epidural. Contractions were at a bracing point; whenever they came on I clung on to the side of the bed and tried to breathe through them (which didn’t help me at all). They were monitoring at a 60 or 70 at this point. I asked Mike to give me a pair of socks and I was gripping them. The doctor left, but kept calling every hour or so. I was amaze at how busy the doctors and nurses were, I will always remember this now when I go for a gynecological appointment and have to wait. They never sit down and somehow they never get snappy at patients or with each other. They are saints.
Mike would watch the monitor and I could see him clench his jaw as the numbers would get higher to show the strength of the contractions. I’m not going to sugar coat it, it hurt. Like nothing I have ever felt before and there was no end in sight.
At around 10a.m. the contractions were up to 130 on the monitor and coming every 40 seconds or so. They seemed to be one, break for 10 seconds, two, break for 40, three, break for 10, etc. I was begging Irene for pain meds but the baby was still not reacting – his heart was decelerating during the contractions. The opposite of what you’d expect. I asked Irene if it looked bad for a vaginal birth and she said it’s not great but we’re not there yet.
At 10:30 she came back and said the anesthesiologist had been called. It still wasn’t good and I was still only 2 cm dilated, but the pain was too much and the doctor gave the green light.* Right before she came in, I told Mike I couldn’t do it anymore. He said you can do it, you’re doing great, but I could tell he didn’t know what else to say. the whole time he was watching the monitor and fetching things for me. He pretty much stayed away from me physically, which is what I wanted. At one point I told him to stop staring at the machine because he was ruining the 10 seconds of no pain when his face warned me another contraction was coming! So he read a PMI magazine but he stared at the same page for hours! At one point, around 9a.m. or so I asked him to put the TV on. Oprah was on one channel and GMA on another. I heard them talking and I yelled TURN IT OFF!
So the epidural finally came about 10 minutes after ordered. I sat on the side of the bed and curved my spine. Irene stood in front of me and my head was in between her boobs. I had a big contraction as he was doing it. I couldn’t see it of course, but I could tell there were a lot of steps because of the stuff he put on the tray (it wasn’t a straight needle – he puts a needle in and then a tube inside the needle). It pinched, but didn’t hurt any more than the water breaking.
It took about 10 minutes to kick in and I felt so relieved after. I could still feel the contractions but they felt like Braxton Hicks – like period or gas cramps.
Doctor came back at 12:00p.m. and Sherry took over as my nurse. I was 3 cm and the baby heart rate still decelerating. Sherry said it didn’t look good but that we needed to go with the flow. She told us a story about a woman that refused a c-section until Sherry told her it was either that or her baby would be in a wheelchair. That scared me.
Doctor couldn’t decide whether to do a c-section or keep going. I was hoping for a c-section at that point! She wanted to wait longer so she walked away to think about it. She came back about 10 minutes later; she had looked at the whole strip of contraction v. heart rate since I started labor and she had seen the ongoing deceleration and how it was getting worse. She said if we waited for me to go all the way, he was in serious danger of becoming hypoxic and getting brain damage. So she had decided to do an emergency c-section. She called the anesthesiologist and he was there in about 10 minutes. They gave mike scrubs and me a shower cap.
Mike and I were alone for 5 minutes. he asked if I was ready and I said yes. I was excited and not nervous.
They transferred me to a stretcher and wheeled me into the OR. They lay me out like a crucifix and I tried to make a joke but it came out wrong. I said circumcision instead of crucifix and I felt like an idiot. The neonatalogist was there and another nurse and the anesthesiologist was by my head. Doctor came in and asked everybody “we ready?” Every one said yes and I said what about my husband. They said he’s coming now. Then doctor asked if I could feel on my tummy. One second I could, next second nothing. I couldn’t move my legs and I thought I couldn’t move my arms.
At one point during the C-section, I said it’s hard to breathe. It felt like really heavy in there and freezing cold. I couldn’t see anything over the tent and Mike wasn’t allowed to take photos until the neonatologist gave the all clear. Mike sat next to my head and I guess it was all over in about 10 minutes. I heard the baby cry and then I finally saw him in the distance. I didn’t feel that immediate connection at all. Mike brought him next to me and someone took a picture. I was so out of it, it could have been anybody’s baby. (Yes, I feel guilty for saying that, but you wanted the gory details right?)
He had a slight cone head and his lips were huge! He was all swollen, but it went away before the next time I saw him!
Then they took the baby to the nursery and me to recovery. I was shivering so hard, my teeth were chattering and they wanted to give me drugs to calm that down, but I was afraid of how out of it I was, so I said no for about an hour. I had to stay in recover for about 2 hours and I didn’t see the baby the whole time. Mike kept asking, do you want to see him? And I would say, “I’m fine.” I think if I had been sent home at that point without the baby I would have been ok with it (for a little while at least!) And I was kinda scared that I didn’t want to see him, I was afraid when I did see him, I wouldn’t love him.
Mike went back and forth between me and the nursery until finally they wheeled me to my room. On the way we stopped at the nursery and they went in to get the baby. They held him out to me and I said, “No, I’m ok.” and the nurse plonked him on me anyway (this happens a lot apparently). I looked at him and he was all snuggly and tiny. He was just perfect.
And that’s how I met my little man.
*Mike has asked me since if I have a low tolerance for pain. I hate when he asks because it feels so insulting, but I have no way of knowing what it feels like for anyone else. All I know is I tried to hold on for as long as I could.
